On Thursday

It’s the feeling of forgetting to blink, of staring at nothing in ignorant unproductivity, then starting and sighing and returning to work.

It’s the feeling of swallowing carefully, and carefully again as a week of speaking loudly settles in the throat.

It’s the half slump of fatigue mixed with resignation to the task.

It’s looking ahead to the next thing that needs to be done, and finding instead a blank and empty space, stretching across a few days with curious whiteness.

It’s the edges of your numb consciousness beginning to twitch with life.

It’s the first deep breath that isn’t followed by a sigh.

It’s the surprising, foreign feeling of wearing jeans, more fitted, more stiff, more durable.

It’s stretching, yawning, unfolding, unsagging, unnumbing, unwinding, un-growing up.


It’s Friday.

Christmas Cheer

Without a single Christmas decoration in my apartment or classroom, and with my car radio nearly permanently tuned to NPR, I was beginning to feel like Christmas was passing me by. On Thursday I realized that there were only 21 days till Christmas, and I hadn't given it any thought except to panic about my Christmas shopping. It seemed like the season was hardly present at all.

Little things kept reminding me that it was really Christmas-time, though. A Christmas tree lot in a parking lot I drive by everyday, the Christmas music I'm stubbornly playing on my computer in the mornings, the lights on houses on the way back from institute, and the decorations in the mall after a movie. Then, Friday and yesterday, I got a double-decker dose of Christmas, and it felt fantastic. After work on Friday I drove to Salt Lake and met up with Cuny. We spent a cold evening wandering through downtown, going out to eat, and seeing the lights.   Afterwards, I headed to West Valley to the Hale Centre Theatre. A friend of mine had cast tickets to The Christmas Carol.  Then, yesterday, I was delighted to find out that White Christmas was on TV.  Basking in the Christmas glow I'd begun to accumulate, I happily watched Love Actually with my roommates, too.

   

Then, this morning I woke up early, as usual.  It seems that sleeping in will be a skill I have to relearn every summer, because it's certainly not working right now.  As I rolled over at 7:30 and peered through my blinds, I found that the world had turned into a snow globe!  So I lit a candle and placed it on my window sill, curled up in a blanket, and watched the snow fall while listening to President Uchdorft's talk about love.  It was possibly the best way I could ever think to spend a wintry Sunday morning.

   

So, after a weekend of intense holiday therapy, my fears that Christmas isn't really coming this year are safely laid to rest, and I can say to one and all with joyful confidence...

   

Merry Christmas!