The Readiness is All

"We defy augury: There is a special providence in the fall of a sparrow. If it be now, 'tis not to come; if it be not to come, it will be now; if it be not now, yet it will come: the readiness is all: since no man has aught of what he leaves, what is't to leave betimes?"


No, I'm not thinking about death tonight. I'm thinking about something totally different. But this quote means a lot to me.

I'm luckier than I deserve to be, and far happier than I ought to be. But I do have a dream that I am now forced to acknowledge as most likely doomed. It's not that I can't hold on to it any longer. I could go on like this for quite a while. But holding on to that dream, no matter how fond it is or how closely it has intergrown with my life, personality, and happiness, well, holding on to it will never bring it a day closer than impossible it seems. So, if I let go of it now, I won't let go of it later; if I let go of it later, I won't let go now, the readiness is all, but I am far from ready.

Anniversaries are ticking by. Two weeks and one week. Years and days are passing. Am I leaving this dream betimes or belatedly?

I am luckier than I could ever hope for. But I wish on every single one of the trillion stars in the sky that things were different. Except one. On that last faint star I'm wishing that I even knew how to begin to give up.

*sigh* It's 2 a.m.

Hurry up please it's time.

Goodnight moon; Goodnight lamplight;

Goodnight sweet ladies, goodnight.