Make-up

Make-up, a collection of powders and pastes used to augment, draw, or conceal facial features. My relationship with make-up has spanned a decade or so. Over the years, I have worn a little make-up or a lot of make-up. There were times in my life when I wore green stick, foundation, powder, blush, eyeliner, mascara, and eye shadow every day. There were other times when all I needed was the green stick, powder, mascara, and eye-liner. But for the last ten years, I have nearly always worn make-up. Since make-up--especially mascara and eyeliner--takes a few days to wash away completely, there have been very few times in that decade when I saw myself completely without make-up of any kind. After a camping trip or a ski trip or if I'd been sick I might see myself make-up free, but as soon I was back to civilization and health, I would quickly reapply. I liked make-up; I liked the way I looked when I wore it. I didn't feel like I wore it for other people; I wore it for me.

However, this past spring I realized that I no longer liked the way I looked when I wasn't wearing any make-up. I felt like I looked strange, blank, unfamiliar. And this bothered me. I don't mind wearing and liking make-up, but I didn't like the feeling of needing it. I didn't want to feel dependent on it, uncomfortable in my own skin without a few artificial touches. After ten year with make-up, I found myself self-conscious without it, and not liking the face I saw in the mirror. So I decided that make-up and I needed to take a break. I refused to let myself not like my own face without modification. If I wanted to wear make-up, that was fine, but I couldn't wear make-up because I couldn't accept my own natural face.

So I decided to give it a try. Last spring break, I gave up make-up for a week. And I loved it. After the first few days I got used to my own face again, and found little bits of additional freedom that wearing no make-up gave me refreshing. I could go exercise or swim without worrying about my make-up. I didn't have to periodically check my eyes for circles or lines of mascara or anything. It never got in my eyes or stung. If I cried I wouldn't have to redo my make-up. If I wanted to, I could wash my face part way through the day without having to carefully remove the make-up and then reapply.

I returned from spring break and found myself increasingly reluctant to put on make-up. Not only that, but I started questioning the face wash and zit creams I'd been using since my 16th birthday. I decided that during the summer I would go natural all the way. No face wash, no make-up.

And I did. And without the make-up, I didn't get as many break-outs, and all summer long I just wore my own face without modification. At first, I would still put on make-up for church, but soon I disliked waiting a day or two for the last traces of eyeliner and mascara to disappear. So I gave that up, too. I thought I would return to make-up when school started, and I did for a week. Then I stopped.

I haven't stopped wearing make-up on moral grounds, or as a feminist statement, but simply because I wanted to make sure I didn't become unfamiliar with my own face. I've kept no wearing make-up because I'm lazy and I like the extra amounts of liberty that no make up gives me. I still like the way I look with it. I'll probably pick it back up again some day, and I still wear it on special occasions. But I like that I once again like my face just the way it is, and that my eyelashes never feel stiff, and my face is always clean, not covered.