Transportation Woes

Last Monday:

A split hose caused an incontinece problem for my car, Gigi the Jeta, and she "peed her pants" all over the parking lot. I limped her to the mechanics and was able to get it fixed the next day, for the easy price of $115.

Friday night:

Someone steals Gigi the Bike.

This Morning:

Another door has broken on Gigi the car. It wasn't even cold this time. Now I have two doors that don't open from the outside, one door that will break anyday, and a driver's door that doesn't open at all. Soon I'll be crawling in and out of windows. I'll have to stay at school until everyone leaves in order to not to damage my dignity.

But apparently I have it easy. My mom told me this story:

We had a car like that just before (and after) Aaron was born. After strapping Isaac in through the window, I climbed in myself, 9 months along. I tried to go out when noone was around!

wow. :)

Just now I returned home a friend's house to notice that there were more bikes than usual chained to the stairs outside my apartment. Absentmindedly I studied the little crowd of bikes while I fumbled for my keys. Then I realized that Gigi the Bike was not in that crowd. Gigi the bike has been in that crowd since May. I quickly checked around, thinking that somehow my bike had been in someone's way and so they had magically unlocked it and moved it. Then I noticed that there was one more lock dangling from the staircase than there were bikes. My lock. Cut. My bike. Gone.

Worth calling the cops at 2:30 in the morning? Probably not. Gigi the Bike is gone I think. Yes, I'm angry. Mine wasn't even the nicest bike there, just the most convenient. Wouldn't it have been easier to go steal someone's bike on campus where they have less chance of being seen. Oh well, poor Gigi won't get them much drug money, or help them pay for their new entertainment center or college. She wasn't that nice. But she was a lot nice than any other bike I ever owned. Well. I guess I don't need to worry about the fact that her back brakes don't work anymore. It is now someone else's problem.

The Readiness is All

"We defy augury: There is a special providence in the fall of a sparrow. If it be now, 'tis not to come; if it be not to come, it will be now; if it be not now, yet it will come: the readiness is all: since no man has aught of what he leaves, what is't to leave betimes?"


No, I'm not thinking about death tonight. I'm thinking about something totally different. But this quote means a lot to me.

I'm luckier than I deserve to be, and far happier than I ought to be. But I do have a dream that I am now forced to acknowledge as most likely doomed. It's not that I can't hold on to it any longer. I could go on like this for quite a while. But holding on to that dream, no matter how fond it is or how closely it has intergrown with my life, personality, and happiness, well, holding on to it will never bring it a day closer than impossible it seems. So, if I let go of it now, I won't let go of it later; if I let go of it later, I won't let go now, the readiness is all, but I am far from ready.

Anniversaries are ticking by. Two weeks and one week. Years and days are passing. Am I leaving this dream betimes or belatedly?

I am luckier than I could ever hope for. But I wish on every single one of the trillion stars in the sky that things were different. Except one. On that last faint star I'm wishing that I even knew how to begin to give up.

*sigh* It's 2 a.m.

Hurry up please it's time.

Goodnight moon; Goodnight lamplight;

Goodnight sweet ladies, goodnight.