Actively Inactive

Mormons place a lot of importance and stress on the word "active." We are, after all, supposed to be "active" in several nebulous, important, and diverse ways. We should be "active" in the church, "active" in our ward (which I consider to be nearly two different things), "active" in our communities (whatever that means), "active" in politics, education, and anything else going on that we can influence, "active" in world affairs, "active" in our lifestyle, "active" in family history, "actively" preparing for the next world, "actively" studying the scriptures, preparing for an apocalypse, and bringing our families closer together, as a single, I am to be "actively" looking for and preparing for marriage, and, the most pressing of all, we should be "actively" engaged in a good cause. (In retrospect, that sentence should have had a lot less commas and a lot more semi-colons. I guess I wasn't editing actively enough.) With all of that, we start amalgamate guilt from the dozens of things we feel we are not doing actively enough. Each little dollop of gooey guilt gradually contributes to a large mass of guilt whose single sources are untraceable, and which rises and falls and globs through our psyche like wax in a lava lamp.

For example, I love blogging. I love putting my thoughts into words and feeling like they are expressing something. I adore getting comments, and the people who comment. I actually consider myself an active blogger; I blog more often than most of my friends, and I spend time everyday reading my favorite blogs. Since the blogging awards just came out, I've added about six more blogs to my google reader subscriptions, which means I now have 102 unread posts to get to. And I'd like nothing more than to curl up in a pool of sunshine with some hot tea and my labtop and my itunes and my laptop and read all 102.

But whenever I read these fantastic, award-winning, awe-inspiring blogs by people from around the continent, I start to feel like I am not "active" enough in my blog. I don't take fantastic pictures, I don't have children, cookbooks, ranches, or skills to write about. I don't remodel my apartment. I don't have advice to give people. I'm just a 25 year-old-single English teacher who reinvents herself every two years or more. Most days I just don't have anything to say.

But those blogs. Those beautiful blogs. Those blogs that say so much, make me think, cry, wince, foam at the mouth, and become so well-read that they actually create a community and bonds around people. How I wouldn't love to have one of those.

So. I'm going to at least take a step forward. I hereby declare that I will do the following things to be more active on my blog.

I will

Link to it on Facebook (wince, shirk, go hide)

Post more pictures that I take myself and fewer from Getty Images.

Actually post opinions on things, even if that means you start to think I have bad taste and am an idiot sometimes.

Talk more about the things going on in my life and what I think about them. In other words, downgrade the level of privacy. (wince, shirk, go hide). That may mean you end up in my blog from time to time, or that I might be a jerk. I might mention religion, dating, friends, skating, climbing, yoga, the weather, and other sensitive topics.

Post more often.

Work more on the layout, um, sometime.

Wow. Now I've intimidated myself. But I want to become a better writer, which means I need to write more. I've already started journaling much more, and now it's time to write things other people might read, even if there are only about five of them. And I love each of them dearly.

So, I'll be seeing you more often.