Secrets and Lies

I was watching a Bones episode the other day, and on the episode they discussed the concept of "radical honesty," where you say exactly what you are thinking when you think it.  The episode showed both some of the positive effects and negative consequences of this practice.

And it got me thinking: Are secrets and lies necessary?  I have a friend who is nearly paranoid about his privacy. He deleted his Facebook (understandable), and is thinking about changing email accounts because he's been with the current one too long and too many people know his email address.  He hates it if people discuss details of his relationship, friendships, etc.  He broke his leg and tried not tell anyone, including his parents.  Then there are people who seem to have the opposite philosophy.  I took a self-defense class back in college, and a few years later my teacher "friended" me on Facebook.  He "friended" all of his hundreds of former students, ostensibly to spam them with advertisements about his dojo.  Yesterday he Facebooked his wife's delivery of their baby in hour by hour detail.

Of course, the question goes beyond a balance between privacy and too much information.  Allie, Rachel, and I saw a fantastic film last weekend, and in it, one of the main characters learned a secret about his father.  It was a tragic secret, about a tragic accident that hurt a lot of people.  Everyone would have wanted to know, but everyone would also have been hurt, and the father in question was already dead.  The main character chose not to reveal the secret to anyone, even the people who were most directly affected by his father's action all those years ago.  Are there times when you lie to preserve peace because you know information would upset someone?  Are there stories you should never tell to anyone?  Are secrets an unnecessary burden to harbor, or are they a mercy well preserved?

Picture Sourcehttp://www.telsecret.com/images/secret2.jpg

Over the years we accumulate secrets, our own the ones other people have shared with us.  Some of them we share ourselves as time and use makes us comfortable with our pasts, and some cease to matter.  Some truths we reveal to our best friends, letting them keep the burden for us.  Shared secrets bring us closer together, just ask Postsecret. I'm usually for honesty and openness, and that more of these things is a good thing at least 99% of the time.  But is there a 1% where openness is hurtful, where honesty is damaging?

I don't know.