First Impressions

Jeni and I when we were much younger and had more free time. 

We all judge each other based on first impressions.  All of us.  If you think you're an exception, then my impression of you will be that you just don't realize it.  To some extent, we have to judge each other on these first impressions.  We have to orient ourselves somehow, and that's the only information we have.  The key is to not mentally lock people into our first impressions of them.  I think (Look!  An opinion!) that as long as we stay open to new information, surprises, and don't judge someone's worth based on our first moments with him or her, we avoid most pitfalls.

That disclaimer out of the way, it wasn't until a friend of mine posted a blog about judging based on first impressions that I realized just how much first impressions are a part of my daily life and a part of my history.  Every year I meet hundreds of new students, and those first few weeks our relationships are based almost entirely on their (possibly wrong) impression of me and my (possibly wrong) impression of each of them.  Then comes parent/teacher conferences.  There, in five minutes or less, I meet parents and they meet me.  Both they and I are tired, have our separate agendas for the meetings, and want to give what we consider to be a favorable impression.  For parent teacher conferences I clean up the constant piles of miscellaneous papers scattered around the classroom (3-10 inches high on most flat surfaces the students don't use regularly), wash the desks so they look light brown again instead of grey, and sometimes even wear make-up.  They make a point to tell me all sorts of things they probably didn't need to in order for me to think well of them (Why they worry about impressing their 12-year-old's 25-year-old teacher I don't know.).

First impressions are important to my professions on more than just the first day of school.  Every day, at the beginning of every class period, my students assess my mood and my lesson.  Is this a day when they need to buckle down?  A day they can get away with murder?  A day when the lesson will be so excruciatingly boring they will spend it noticing that my earrings don't match? (True story.  I wore mismatched earrings all day yesterday.)

I've been playing dress up since before I can remember.

I thoroughly familiar with this business of manipulating and controlling first impressions.  It was overtly taught in preparation for debate, and reinforced by success.   I have spent hours and earned money coaching other people on their first impressions through interviews and resumes.  Next year I'll teach another hundred kids to proactively shape the first impressions they make through my debate class.  Any of my roommates from the years can tell you that when I dressed, it was at least half the time, a search for a specific "look" I was going for.  The "look" would change day to day, and some outfits were put together just to see if I could in fact, achieve that elusive impression I wanted to give, be it preppy, punk, classy, young, old, sporty, hippie, hipster, old-fashioned teacher, new hip young teacher, etc.  I've been an actress and I've waited tables, both are exercises in projecting an impression that doesn't necessarily run deeper than a welcoming smile.

Someday I'd love to do a study.  I'd give fifty people a quick survey asking people to describe themselves using five words.  Then I'd ask them to use five words to describe the impression they think they give other people.  Then I'd have those fifty strangers time in one minute interactions with each other.  Afterwards, they would record their five word impression of each person they met.  In the end, I would look to see how accurate were they?  How accurately do people know the impression they give?  How accurately do people judge others?  And, just for fun, I'd love to have fifty strangers fill that survey out about me.  After all, who's to say that any of my "impression control" really works?